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But I, too, sometimes struggle with addressing racism while it is unfolding. Maybe that’s because I know my voice carries less weight than that of white male colleagues. There’s also widespread denial I have to contend with—denial that barriers against Black women still exist. When I have called out microaggressions or episodes of more overt racism, I have been accused of overemphasizing harmless behavior. In 2019, a white male colleague scoffed at me over the phone, “Do you know who I am?” He conflated his titled positions with prestige and privilege. As he spoke, I recognized how I had been groomed to display a limited range of emotions at work.

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Then, there are the more overt challenges I face at the patient’s bedside. In early 2017, I walked into one patient’s room and introduced myself as I always do: “I’m Dr. Landry. What brings you in today?” The patient, his wife, and daughter exploded with rage: “Get that Black doctor out of here! Get her out! We don’t want a Black doctor!” My colleagues, both white, politely—too politely, I thought—asked the patient and his family to stop.

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I never made much effort to get to know people here, because if I wanted company, I imported it from the I Like Dogs And Elephants And Maybe Three People Shirt Additionally,I will love this city. Over the last few years, since I left my office job and could be here more often, I started thinking maybe I could live here. But something always stopped me. I couldn’t bring myself to sell our apartment in the city, even though I was spending only three nights a week there. Having two places felt wasteful and unwise. And it meant a continual level of disruption. Of packing and going back and forth, of leaving the left shoe on Long Island and the right shoe in the city. But with the pandemic, my perspective is changing. I’ve been here for six months now. It is starting to feel like home. It seems like a place I could live. Really live. Find a dentist and a doctor, vote, and most important, when I meet new people, say, “I live in Bellport. Yeah, no one has ever heard of it. It’s a little town on Long Island.” Long Island! So many of my friends in the city escaped Long Island. Am I really ready to choose it, and a small town at that, just a prettier version of my original little town?

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